hello!! today was fine. just had work and now my feet hurt. i played a few rounds of marvel rivals trying to practice on magneto but holy moly is my aim the worst. i thought my aim would get better playing on a keyboard and mouse but i just HATE all the buttons plus my fingers are all uncoordinated. not even playing cloak n dagger could save my aim.

now im watching stephanie soo's rotten mango videos while working on this site. i love scary videos but i get all paranoid after. ill probably be too scared to sleep tonight too. aw man :(

i've just been going through the motions for months now. i don't have the energy to even step out of the house. dont even have the energy to dress up or talk to anyone. i find myself locking myself in my room just so no one talks to me. sometimes i get so angry at nothing. really frustrated. like something is boiling over in me and i dont know what to do with all this energy. sometimes i shout and hurt myself and i know i shouldnt do that but i dont know how else to release it.

anyway. i have this daily tear-away calendar that sits on my shelf adjacent to my bed. everytime im watching tv or playing games, my eyes wander to it. i always forget to tear the last page when i wake up. so it just piles up. all the days i dont tear away. until i realize its been a week and the date is still wrong. i think i should stop looking at it. it kind of haunts me. reminds me that all the days are all the same. i hate having a job.